sleep-less.

walked the streets again tonight. i need to learn to rug up more when i take to the streets late at night to photograph. called my friend for an impromptu photo shoot. initially had three models but two pulled out. it was 10 degrees down in the park, and very damp. had a lot of fun with long shutter speeds and lights. came home with numb hands. still haven't quite got the hang of the new camera. need to play with it more, which would be made a lot easier if i wasn't constantly studying.

in other news, looking into getting new glasses, which is ridiculously exciting for me. thinking red, and little diamonds on the sides. need to have my script updated and then i am going to start the process. absolutely cannot wait!

jusqu'a la prochaine fois.

emergency funds.

so the last four weeks of my life have been spent on charity work with my year level for the alannah and madeline foundation. it is a foundation that strives to help children with violence, bullying etc. basically, the hope that every child will grow up healthy and happy. reasonable request i think.

for the past four weeks we have been putting together a benefit concert in order to raise money for the cause, and the concert was last night. we had so many amazing performances, including skits, music and lots of dances. i was in a hip hop dance which was really great fun. dancing again made me realise how much i miss it. all in all, the night was amazing, and we managed to raise $43,107 for the foundation which in four weeks i think is pretty impressive.

besides concert work i have just been busy with year 12 work. i have also been photographer for all the events we had over the past couple of weeks, including sausage sizzles, cupcake stalls and dress rehearsals. helps to really put thing in perspective and make you realise how lucky we are to get things we generally take for granted.

jusqu'a la prochaine fois.

this too shall pass.

i think that most things come in waves. anger, grief and anxiety all seem to move in a wave like pattern, getting really large and overwhelming and then at other times being still and calm and non existent.

last night i went to an after party for a year 12 formal and did the photos. i did a pretty weak job at capturing everyone, as i didnt know a lot of the people and i am still not great with asking people i dont know for their photos. the photos themselves weren't too bad, but the area didn't leave much space for creativity or you know, breathing. the place was situated in the midst of an industrial wasteland, with all these roller door factories. it all seemed very sus as we were driving there but the venue ended up being pretty amazing. it was very skins, but with a little less drugs and drama. the walls were all spray painted and there was a strobe which was actually a bit of a pain in the ass.

it's nice to actually feel like taking photos again, and wanting to edit them. this will also help with my folio i assume, as the thing will most likely need some photos in it when i go for interviews. aiming to stop getting so angry at people around me and realise that they are mostly shit, and throwing those people aside so i can focus on those who are surfacing at the top as really amazing people to surround myself with. i am slowly getting better at learning to ride the waves and wait for the calm.

jusqu'a la prochaine fois.

bird on a wire.

monday. feeling good. nothing seems impossible today, and i feel like the stuff that should be important, like school assessments are just small scale compared to other stuff. i feel like i was looking at a tiny section of a picture and i have stepped back. for the moment anyway. i have begun editing in photoshop again. i need to do a lot more of it for my folio. make sure you all take the time to step back this week.

jusqu'a la prochaine fois.

care for a lil' necrophilia?

today was a day that shouldn't of worked but it did. i sat at home this morning and looked outside to this day of sunshine and loveliness and looked inside, where my books sat sky high ready for me to study. instead, i ditched the study and called up a friend to go and photograph in the city. i have film in my fisheye that needed to be finished, a new roll of film in the pentax k1000 and my digital slr that needed an outing. honestly, so did i. i have spent so much time cooped up inside recently with year 12, it is rediculous how much life it sucks from you.

when we got into the city, we discovered the zombie shuffle was on. for those of you that don't know, the zombie shuffle is when large numbers of melbournians (and foreigners, we don't discriminate) dress as zombies and 'shuffle' through the melbourne city. it was great fun to watch, and a little bit scary, as some of the costumes were very realistic. i got attacked by one guy who got his blood on my cardigan and jeans, but the camera was alright so thats all that matters. if you are reading this, you owe me new clothes haha. you can check out the photos on my flickr which i am now using. we got lost on the trains, scared by zombies and didn't do what we set out to do, but it was so much fun. now i have to make up for the study tomorrow, and it was so worth it :)

nb: if this is you in the photographs and you want them taken off, just let me know.

jusqu'a la prochaine fois.

trailer park excuses.

i am aware that i'm like a trailer park mother who leaves her children to play in the mud and then eventually leaves them on the front steps of a total strangers to go and do other things (strange but it's all i could think of). i know this, and yet i still have not been posting. i don't know, i guess i just needed a break from it, but i have also been crazy busy with school and a bit of travel these holidays. i am very thankful that libby stepped in while i was away and just reminded you all that i am in fact not dead but just away. so all the rollercoaster life started on the 25th march when i went on a conference down at the beach for school.

the conference was a one night stay at this lovely place on the beach where we could relax, surf, do circus skills and team building exercises. the rooms were lovely and the whole experience was great. i took a tonne of photos which was nice, as i hadn't touched the camera in a while. the thursday night was a dress-up dinner and i went with three other girls as the addams family. i was uncle fester, and getting the bald cap over my curly mass of hair proved to be quite difficult, but a head stocking and two bald caps later we got it on. needless to say i had a shocking headache from the pressure on my skull about an hour into the dinner.

we returned friday afternoon and i was exhausted, as we all were. i fell asleep as i walked in the door and slept most of saturday. then i spent sunday volunteering at a nearby festival. i was put on a stall that was making 'clay critters' with kids. i actually didn't do much at all, so it was a pretty boring day, but i got a cool t-shirt and a waterbottle with my name on it haha.

Jusqu'à la prochaine fois.

M.I.A A.T.M

well well well, look what we have here. I should start off by telling you im lieing to you, not on purpose i assure you! You think im danielle dont you? Well now you have doubted yourself thinking "well maybe this isnt danielle" But right form the start you just assumed this was danielle, yes? Well then really you lied to yourself, right of the bat! This is libby. Not danielle. Im the artist currently known as darlingmakeup. I love danielle lots and lots and have been intrusted to inform you about her absense from blog-land!

Well, she has been such a busy lass i have trouble remembering where she is at any given point of time but ill do my best!

First i think she was playing on the lorn.. or in lorne?... AND now shes off in some hostel.. being xcore.

But i did let her know that upon her return she is doing a guest blog on MY blog so she thought it was best if i was the chosen one who let you precious things know of her where abouts. Its very nice of her to keep you all from worrying, really. bless.

So shes super cute. Shes like a jewish cupcake. Speaking of cupcakes. I was given one rule when doing this post and that was "dont make it pink" silly thing. Of course im making it pink! keke i joke. I did put a fave picture of mine that always makes me think of her. its the top one, see it? cute i know. LIKE HER! i should probs mention that the photos above were not taken by me but were found on weheartit.com The website is also super cute.

:)

I guess thats all hey, i mean thats all i was sent for.. just to imform and leave.

But im staying! hehe for a while at least, just untill i feel i have fulfilled my duties as a bestfriend to reallly entertain you pretty ones!

Actually, i am really tired. Yeh i actually might go!

Dont stress im sure ill be back, or you can check out my blog darlingmakeup.blogspot.com

Be safe!

Love Libby

long weeks and pointless scraps.

this week of school was only four days. why, then did it feel like it went for about ten days. it was the slightest bit painful. i had two sacs on thursday; for psychology and maths methods. i was stressing about methods and alright for psychology. I have no idea how i did. i had them one after another and it just felt like a huge blur. i walked out pretty dazed actually. hopefully it all went alright. art is really testing me, and i feel like i am doing nothing (probably because im not). i just feel sompletely uninspired to work and write in a folio. i am starting to think that maybe the whole folio subject was a mistake. oh well, time will tell.

over the holidays some of my friends are doing a duke of edinburugh trip for their gold awards and i was thinking of joining. i think it could be really good fun. not that i have even completed my bronze award but doesn't matter. besides that, the invites for eighteenth birthday partys have started and i think it is going to be a huge year for parties, which doesnt mesh well with study, but hey what are you gonna' do?! i am probably photographing a life drawing model on thursday but due to confidentiality and nudie bits they sure as hell will not be getting uploaded to anywhere. besides that, i am being consumed in homework that i must now attend to. have a wonderful weekend.

jusqu'à la prochaine fois.

bright lights and long nights.

so last night was hot. really hot. it was a humid melbourne night and i think i can safely say not a lot of people across the city got sleep. my dog started barking at 2am and there were footsteps downstairs. me being paranoid put barking dog and footsteps together and came up with a robber in the house. it wasn't, it was just my mum. i had libby come and surprise me yesterday at school which was fantastic and she then stayed the night. we did a very impromptu photo shoot, and i wanted to experiment with natural light, so that was good. for those of you that haven't checked out libby's make up tutorials you should definitely get onto it. she calls it darling make-up and she is so so talented. she tried to do a tutorial on me while she was over but all that resulted from that were some bloopers, so i will post them up.

school has been pretty hectic, and i feel it is about to get a whole lot worse. i finished my english sac this week, but it was possibly the most embarrassing thing i have ever written. next week is maths and psychology, so this labour day long weekend will give me a bit of extra time to study for those two sacs. not much planned for the weekend. seeing the blind side tonight with friends and then going to alice in wonderland on monday. pretty excited. besides that not much is going on. i have become obsessed with dumplings again and eat them constantly. i hope you are all well and loving whatever you find yourself doing!

jusqu'à la prochaine fois.

credible.

that is what my english teacher said my work was. i don't really know how to interpret that. we have our first assessed coursework on monday for english, and i don't know if i should be worried going in to it with a 'credible' level of work. oh well, cant sit around and over think it i guess. this week has been a killer. i have been so insanely irritable and i just want to be alone. probably just a stage, but it is giving me the shits.

just me and mum this weekend. were going to go for japanese tonight and then come home and watch a documentary i bought on annie leibovitz, so that should be nice. i don't really know what more to say. i don't feel like i am doing much except going to school, then coming home and doing homework. sending me a little up the wall i think. and to top it all off, the new episode of skins is loading so slowly i could rip my teeth out. joy.

jusqu'à la prochaine fois.

school work and snuffles.

saturday today. i spent a restless friday night watching the olympic figure skating pairs and eating tofu. the thought of eating tofu again now makes me feel really nauseous. i actually don't know why i did it. it's not like it was the only thing in the house. i openly went to the supermarket and sought the stuff out. go figure. so third week of year 12 down, and i have already contracted my first sniffle and head cold as a result of excessive stress and a resultantly poor immune system. this is a real pain as i had planned to do homework and spent saturday night with some friends. i will still see them, but somehow i don't think it will be the same with congestion and a fever.

had house swimming this week. our house is yellow and dressed up as madeline. i broke out the new camera and instead of swimming, photographed and videoed the day. it was a really fun day and the atmosphere was fantastic. it's a bit strange to think that i will never go to a house swimming carnival again, but then again i hadn't been since year 9, so i can't get too nostalgic.

the photography has been put on the backburner, which makes me very upset indeed. there is just no time. i plan to do a photoshoot soon to add to my folio but at the moment i am struggling to find the time. hope that you are all well and are not suffering from an deficient immune system :)

jusqu'à la prochaine fois.

lino love.

today is florist day, a.k.a valentines day, a.k.a a hallmark holiday in order for the company to make copious amounts of money out of teenagers and young adults who think that they will be together 'forever'. Now, i have never been in love so i may be missing something and simply sound bitter, but i really don't understand the point of valentines day. it is a day where those who don't have someone either get bitter or upset and for those who do have someone, they generally get their hopes up too high and then get angry when their loved ones buy them the wrong thing. and that's just it, valentines day is put on in order to make you buy, and to make you feel guilty if you're not buying for that special someone. well, today my special someone was my art.

i have decided to do a lino print of one of the shots i took of my friend in the holidays. i spent far too long fine liner-ing the board. although the practical work is coming along nicely, i am yet to actually annotate my folio. if anyone could help me out with how to annotate that would be greatly appreciated.

the week was fairly hectic, and the weekend has been filled with headaches and family gatherings, as well as watercolours, bad tv and essays. i was in the shower today and realised that my stomach does this weird thing that i have never realised before. there's a lump on the left of my belly button that looks like i have a small baby living inside. doctor dad won't take any notice as he thinks that i am a hypochondriac. he is probably right. isn't it christmas that the miracle baby is supposed to arrive?

jusqu'à la prochaine fois.

consumed.

week one down. and i already feel i am completely consumed by year 12. i have not left my house since friday when i got home from school. wow that's really bad when i think about it. it is now sunday, and although i have been networking socially online and had a friend sleepover friday night i cant help but feel impending insanity looming. i am going out today (thank the lord) but it's hard to enjoy it with the thought in the back of my head of the psych test i have tuesday or the folio work i have to do. i just feel like no matter how much work i do this year, i will never be able to sit back and sigh and say 'well good, my homework is completed'. that sucks. i guess i am going to have to learn to prioritise and not do some things.

we have house swimming soon and out house (yellow) wants to go as 'singing in the rain'. only problem is we can't find yellow raincoats or boots or those little hats. so that's a bit of a pain! we have started studying 'catcher in the rye' in english and although i hate the main character holden with a passion, i think it is going to be a good study and very suited to the time of our lives we all find ourselves in. maybe this is all an existential crisis. what a bloody inconvenient time for that!

jusqu'à la prochaine fois.

camp.

i am a truly terrible person who neglects her blog when life gets busy. i feel like it has been ages, but it had only been about a week (a long time in blog land as i am sure libby will agree). but i am posting tonight as it is friday night and i finished my first week of year 12. i had my last first day and yesterday was our last school photo day. i don't feel that they went very well but never mind.

art camp from the 29-31 was amazing. the weather was beautiful and the camp food was surprisingly good. we were staying in little self contained cabins of 6 and were about 2 minutes walking distance from the beach. it was really nice to get friendly with my new camera and just generally take a lot of photos and soak up the amazing weather before we were to return to school and busy times.

can't really be bothered writing a lot more right now, as i have a lot to do tonight and over the weekend. i will try to post either tomorrow or sunday. i hope that whether you have started school again or are on holidays that you are happy and healthy.

jusqu'à la prochaine fois.

hurts.

i am sorry i haven't posted in a while. i am an awful person but i am stressed put of my mind as school starts again in three days and i have arts camp for those three days. it is nearly 11pm and i have to be up early so i will keep this short. i have finished all my holiday homework which is marvellous!! i found it really important that i had it done because i knew if i didn't have it done by arts camp i wouldnt be able to fully enjoy the camp as i would be preoccupied with the work i hadn't done. in the very exciting news, i got the canon eos 7d. i honestly don't know how i lived without this camera. more to the point i don't know how i tolerated the sony alpha 350. there is simply no comparison.

my brother and mum came home today. i had been up until about 2am because i was at a party and came home and practically passed out after taking all the zombie blood off myself (dress up haha). then we had to wake up at 7am to go to the airport. now, i am one of those people who does not function at all without a decent amount of sleep. so the combination of slight hangover and 5 hours of sleep...wow. i got to the airport and smelt that airport smell and almost threw up everywhere. the only thing that eventually stopped me as i stood outside the airport with no bin or anything to throw up into was the sheer embarrassment of potentially throwing up everywhere. the airport isn't exactly the most private of places. i didn't want to be the person the security guys watch over and over again on the security cameras.

the end of the holidays have been really good. went to a friends house the other night and stayed over without her parents. we felt very parental listening to old songs and dancing around whilst playing with her darling betty. i have also seen friends and went to a zombie party last night which was fantastic, except unfortunately people got a little messy towards the end. looking forward to jumping back into school. people keep telling me that year 12 is hell on earth, but i guess it just depends on how organised i am. hope you are all well :)

jusqu'à la prochaine fois.

mosquito bites.

you know when you have a day, and you come to the end of it and feel so content and like you have had a really really good day, even though you are exhausted. that is how i feel right now.

today i had the joy of shopping with the lovely libby. we went to a shopping centre because libby wanted to go to myer, as they were having a 50% off shoe sale for a large majority of their stock. so we rushed straight to myer only to see that there wasn't much worth buying so we quickly exited myer and went to mac cosmetics. now, for those of you who do now know libby let me inform you of a couple of things. she is trained as a make up artist and is dangerous when armed with plastic that is loaded with money. come to think of it, we actually did not step foot in a clothes store on our shopping trip. instead, we went to all the make up stores and then hit the food court to eat copious amounts.

i bought some make up; a pallet that i adore, an eyebrow pencil and a make up brush. i feel i should take this time to assure you that i am not a make up artist and am not doing a make up haul, but i do love a good bit of make up. and i also realise that this blog has become very wordy, but i really enjoy writing so it will continue to be wordy :)

after shopping with libby i went to my friend jazmin's house. i went to her house to finish maths methods homework but we got very little done. instead, we watched cloudy with a chance of meatballs and then had some dinner. jazmin has the sort of back yard that is perfect for summer and you could get lost in. we ate outside and besides the fact that i now have about 20 mosquito bites, it was so lovely to sit outside with jaz and her parents and eat and talk and sit in their lovely backyard.

an update on the desk that i promised. i went to officeworks and bought a chair to go with my desk and it is now complete. i adore the desk and it's location and everything about it. the photo above is of the desk, as you may have guessed. i have not had a lot of time to take photographs and i apologise for that. i have been fairly non stop lately. i will try to take more very soon, before arts camp.

jusqu'à la prochaine fois.

bolt.

oh dear bolt, i do not particularly enjoy your company but i understand that you had something going when you wrote 'a man for all seasons'. it makes sense, but i simply do not find it necessary to have all these question s written about the content. since before christmas i have been writing bits of the answers to the questions we were given for holiday homework. now i have finished, i have written 21 pages of answers and as i look back at the pages and pages of words, i realise how much you can accomplish without realising.

i have been writing bit by bit, building on what i do and adding to it. now, weeks later i have all these answers to show for it. i think we can definitely apply the same idea to life, more namely for me to year 12. i really want to build bit by bit and try not to be overwhelmed by the whole situation. rather, i want to stay organised and remain on top of things. having said this, it may not happen, but here's hoping!

life without mum and nate is becoming almost normal and it will be very strange having them back, but at the same time i can't wait. there is so much to be done before they come back though, in terms of school work and going to buy my stationary and pack for arts camp.

in light of year 12 i have decided to turn upstairs into an area where i can study. generally, i just study at our kitchen table and i have been getting good grades doing that but i feel i want a place away from people where i can go to study. so i am moving the desk in the spare room upstairs where there's a lot of natural light and a stunning view. i think that will be my task for the day. and putting up some of my art. then onto some psych work. i will update with a photo of my new study space when it's all done and dusted :)

jusqu'à la prochaine fois.

degraves and little cupcakes.

the melbourne city is a strange thing. sometimes i adore it and can spend all day in there and other days i feel like an agoraphobic midget who has to run away as the people are everywhere. having said this, places like delhi and other asian countries are a thousand times worse, but i guess it just depends what mood you are in. well, on thursday i was very in the mood for the city. it involved dumplings in china town, shopping in little stores on degraves street and buying little cupcakes (honestly the cupcake bakery in melbourne central is much better!).

woke up at 8:00am this morning, disrupted my friend who was sleeping and lay in bed for a while. then went to a garage sale down the road, but they didn't have anything good. they're moving out so i expected there to be a lot of stuff around but it was quite disappointing! the weekend has been set aside for holiday homework, as i feel that i am going to get to arts camp and still not have done my work. this, understandably, would onset a panic attack of epic proportions. therefore, i feel i should avoid it and do the work now!!

on my trip to american apparel the other day i bought a scrunchie. yes, an 80's hair accessory. it was very overpriced and i have become determined to make my own. so this morning will involve elastic, fabric and a sewing machine. could be interesting!!

chore for the day: go and hug someone :)

jusqu'à la prochaine fois.

other side up.

first day since the other half of the family left that i am really starting to feel normal again. well i will never be normal...but that's besides the point really. went out with my father to a couple of art galleries. the first one left a lot to be desired and featured a truly awful woman who sat on the phone and was a snob. i realised that's something i hate about the art world, those people. then we went to another gallery that was lovely. it was just a large space that had these really interesting prints that looked like stencils and had black contrasted with fluro colours. probably my favourite prints of the day. went to some other galleries and then went to a shop that sold dvds, books and music.

all a bit art house and the guy working there was so lovely. after that we hit chapel street and i went to american apparel. bought a skirt and a scrunchie for my newly cut curly mop of hair. then we went to little creatures on brunswick street which was phenomenal. dad didn't tell me where we were going and we walked in and i gasped. it was a warehouse that looked like a diner and was simply amazing. the people were lovely and the food was great, especially the donuts with ice cream and honey and cinnamon (yum!!). i am so lucky to have such an amazing dad who knows all these cool places better than his daughter and makes me look utterly lame!

jusqu'à la prochaine fois.

anxiety.

i despise anxiety. it goes hand in hand with depression and the two are as bad as each other. it's like having someone come and blindfold you and push you around. you feel so out of control and helpless in places you once felt so strong. i suffer from anxiety at this time of the year as it is the in between stage. in between an old year that has become so well known and a new year with unknowns and new changes. some people over eat when they get nervous or anxious or depressed. i am the opposite and have a complete loss of appetite. yesterday friends came round for brunch and one of them commented to me 'you're fading away'! i am trying to keep eating and stay positive and surround myself with people who will support and understand this side of me.

the one thing i think has set off the anxiety this year is that my brother and mum left for cambodia last night. it was so hard at the airport. i felt numb and like i was going to vomit all at the same time. i wanted to grab onto them and never let them go. you see, mum acts as my 'go to' person through this time of the year. i get anxious and need to talk to someone, i go to her. so having 2 and a bit weeks without her around is going to be a challenge. but it is one i know i can face and get through. i get through it every year and i am determined that this year will be no different! i want them to have such an amazing time and i am going to be so rediculously excited when they come home.

i know there are probably other people put there suffering similar things. whether it is at a particular time of the year or set off by something in particular, i know the feeling and sometimes feel so alone in this. but you are not alone and it is possible to fight anxiety if we just keep a positive mind and surround ourselves with positive people.

i hope you are all so well and getting by the best you can wherever you are.

jusqu'à la prochaine fois.

summer storms.

the start of summer (its been summer since demcember, but it tends not to get really warm until about mid- january) was rather stormy and full of lightning. new years eve saw some rather impressive lightning and flash flooding that kept us out of the pool for most of the night. here are some photos that i took that can be linked to my last photography of lightning that was highly un impressive. afterall, you get better with practise! now summer has really begun to set in and it is 37 degrees celsius today! the weather channels always say it will be low 30s or high 20s and then by the time it reaches the day they have predicted the weather for it is around 7 degrees warmer than they said it would be!!

on the bad side, i currently have gastro that hit me yesterday and has left me feeling pretty unwell. I was with one of my friends in the pool yesterday and not feeling too great after we ate far too much junk food. I had to get out and sit by the toilet and be ill. it was utterly embarrassing but she was so good about it and didn't run for the hills. besides recovering, i have been sewing buttons back onto dresses and trying to trudge through my holiday homework.

my brother and mum also leave tomorrow for cambodia to help build school houses for disadvantaged children. it is really admirable and although i will miss them heaps it will be a great experience for them both. it will be very strange though having this big old house to just me and my dad!! anyway, hope you are all taking care of yourselves and havent managed to catch this bug!

jusqu'à la prochaine fois.

2010.

a new year; seems strange to think that it is finally here. new years resolution: get through year 12 with my sanity intact. new years was good, and although there weren't many people at my place we made up for that in noise and craziness! it seems strange going into 2010 as it was always one of those years that just wont happen. i never thought i would be leaving school soon and about to enter my final year.

i got a chocolate bar today and looked at the expiry date (because it was from a relatively seedy news agency) and it read april 2010. i remember when i looked at the expiry date on stuff and it said 2010 i would be like 'pfft, i have ages until this goes off'. weird how time goes by and you dont even notice until its gone.

in life news, i am finishing off my job this week and am then a free person until school starts. hoping to see some art exhibitions, take lots of photos, read and paint before arts camp :)

hope you all have a fantastic 2010 and make a realistic new years resolution that will bring about positive change in your life or lives of those around you.

jusqu'à la prochaine fois.